Scorn Porn?

Q: ok, random question but ive just come out (yay!) at the grand old age of 25 after years of feeling hugely suppressed I feel amazing! :-) my only question is this and it probably sounds daft…. how much porn is too much porn? Its like ever since I came out i’ve had sex on the brain pretty much 24/7! I’m just wondering if that’s a normal reaction to finally accepting myself or whether I really need to lay off the porno for a while! :-/ Its difficult to judge because I’ve spent years with men basically avoiding sex at all costs… so therefore I don’t know whether this new sex drive is normal or not? any feedback would be good! :-) thanks Diva xx


Diva Says:

First of all, Big Congrats on hightailin’ it out of the closet, missy! Late-blooming is tough stuff and I’m glad you managed to find your way.

Now, as to the question at hand:

Stress and depression definitely have an impact on sex drive and I’m guessing that the process of coming to terms with your sexuality wasn’t exactly a cakewalk. As well, when ALL possible objects of your affection seem completely off-limits, one of the psyche’s natural defense mechanism is to decrease desire to avoid abject misery. Coming out of the closet essentially removed this perceived infeasibility of sexual contact (of the type that you actually desire) and effectively opened the ‘starting gate’, so it’s no wonder you’re champing the bit, little filly!

As for porn, there’s nothing wrong with a healthy dose of quality time with XTube and your little ‘man in the boat’. HOWEVER, if you’re literally rubbing the sheen off the pearl or if you’re choosing ‘me time’ over other important experiences in your life like work, social contact, general responsibilities and social obligations, it’s time to take a look at that. ‘Too much’ is subjective term and the advice to ‘trust your gut’ on it can be sketchy as so much of what we feel is based on learned behaviors and passed-down morals and belief systems. If you’re from a religious background, ANY porn may feel like too much and likewise in reverse. So let ratios be your guide. If the percentage of your life spent rubbing one out is greater than the percentages of your life you spend doing other things, check in with yourself. If you’re opting for ‘alone time’ with a greater frequency than you’re engaging in activities that might actually find you a partner to do it for you, check in with that, too. Just stay in open dialogue with yourself and pare it down if it feels unhealthy. Recent studies show that most women ‘fly solo’ 2-3 times a week. This is an average which means that in actual fact, some people hardly do it at all and some people were doing it the entire time they filled out that survey. There’s no such thing as normal, only what works for you and what doesn’t. Be realistic about it and be accountable to yourself.

Most importantly, if you assess yourself and find that it’s just fine, then STOP FEELING GUILTY and enjoy it!

Good Luck!
Diva

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