Q: I guess I should start off by saying that I am a transsexual. Even though I was born male and have done “boy” things, I’ve always felt like a girl on the inside, and dreamed about being a girl on the outside. However, I’m so uncertain about transitioning. I’m so afraid. Will I become an outcast? Will I ever meet someone who would want me for a companion? Its just such a big decision, and a big step. And yet, being 19, everyone I’ve talked to (both TS and non-TS) tell me that if I’m going to transition, I should do it now before it is “too late”. I guess I just need some advice about where to go from here. Everyday I get really depressed. All I can think about is transitioning. Yet I’m afraid that the reality of being a transitioned TS will be worse than what I am now. A person who is in the wrong body.

Diva Says: It certainly is a big decision, and an even bigger step. But you have youth on your side, and I have very dear friends who have transitioned MUCH later in life.
What is most important to a successful and sane transition is your system of support. You’ve said that “everyone you’ve talked to” has encouraged you to transition early. What’s important in that sentence is — everyone has encouraged you to transition! That means that you have supportive friends who want to see you happy!
I don’t think there is such a thing as “too late” – though it’s never “too early” to be happy. Still, don’t pressure yourself to jump into the pool before you’ve learned how to swim! Give yourself the basics before you dive.
1) Supportive Friends: It sounds like you have the makings of this already, but spend some time working on those friendships. Honor strong bonds, and work to enrich them. Deepen bonds that haven’t been explored yet. Your friends will be a vital respite from anything scary that comes from your transitioning. A space to relax and be joyful amidst the flurry of changes inside and around you.
2) Find a therapist: this is vital – not only by law, but for your emotional well-being. Transitioning is a HUGE life change, and it will certainly bring up issues for you. You will likely find yourself angry – angry that you weren’t able to simply be yourself. Angry at society for making this so hard. Angry at your body for not being what you wanted it to be all along. And sadness. And fear. And grief.
3) Find Peers: Finding other folks who are going through, or have gone through, the significant changes that you will be going through can be so comforting and reassuring. Finding your community is invaluable. Mentors, Peers and Friends. Family of choice. This is a beautiful gift to give yourself. People who know what it’s like to be where you are and who can steer you through the blind spots and give you some light at the end of the tunnel.
And if the reality of transitioning is too scary for you right now – try emboldening yourself to walk the gender line. Make compromises. Work to make peace with the skin you’re in and find ways to express yourself in less permanent ways. Give yourself a taste of what that other life would feel like. Maybe it will be enough. Maybe it won’t. But at least you’ll have taken a step towards finding your truth.
Whatever you do – do it with friends around you and it will be easier.
Good luck!

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3 Responses to Trans-ition

  1. Blueflamin says:

    Hey there I am a FTM transgendered person, have been on T for a year. If you have been going to a therapist good start! If not you should, they can help you out. There are a few out there that are great with these issues. If you are in Portland Oregon there are many resources TIRC (Trans Identity Resource Center) and many support groups. There are also communities on Hopefully this helps if you have more questions feel free to contact me at
    Good luck to you!

  2. Toni says:

    I just want to say Jay that I wish I knew you because no matter what you would always have me to accept you no matter what you decided to do. I have also raised my children to feel the same way about people and I thank God that they do feel the same way about people. I came out to my 5 kids when they were 22, 16, 16, 13, and 8 and the 8 yr old was the only one with a problem and that was because his father was telling him things and confusing him. But just know Jay there are accepting people out there in the world who will love and accept you no matter what you do so follow your heart and do what is best for you and only you. In the long run you have to live in your body no one else does so you have to make yourself happy so please baby only make yourself happy and no one else! Ciao, Toni

  3. Scarlen says:

    Don’t worry about what other people think! You go be you and forget everyone else. I don’t know you, but I’m sending lots of love and support for you. I’m also sending blessings. I know how it feels to be different from everyone else…I’m just realising I’m probably a lesbian, plus I’m a goth. I live in a real small town full of closed minded people, and there’s some days when I wish I wasn’t different, but those days are few and are shadowed by the good days when I’m happy with who I am. So take the good with the bad. Love yourself and you’ll find someone to love.
    Many, many blessings and bright days ahead are what I wish for you.
    Scarlen :-)