Q: I met this girl. She lives in texas and we were talked every night on the phone for three months. I had told her two very petty fibs and when she came to visit, the fibs came out. I also told her I loved her. She left after six days. She was supposed to stay for two weeks. Well, after a few days I got an email from her saying that she just wanted to be friends for now and that she wanted me to wait and see what happens after the summer. I am not sure how to handle this. I truly care for her and I believe she cares for me, so what should I do?
Diva Says: Well, darlin’ — What may constitute “petty fibs” to you may very well constitute plain old lies to her, and in the very early stages of founding a relationship with someone, lies can be EXTREMELY detrimental.
Let’s go with an analogy, simply because I’m feeling eccentric —
Let’s say a relationship is like a loveseat that the two of you are building together. For 3 months, you talk about what colors to use in the fabric, if it should be mauve or burgandy, if it should be overstuffed or lightly padded, if you should scotchguard to ward against those pesky wine stains… yadda yadda yadda.
Then, after those 3 months of conversations, she comes over to help you actually build it. She brings her half of the materials — sturdy wood, solid nails, nice puffy padding — but your boards have a few cracks and splinters, your nails are chipped and rusted and you accidentally left the padding on the porch overnight so it got a little soggy. But you two put it together anyway, and her half — the half she offers you to sit on — is perfectly comfortable and safe. Your half, however, wobbles and shakes when she sits and the rickety foundation your splintered wood provides is uncomfortable and feels unsafe to her. Unreliable. She doesn’t trust it to hold her weight. Not to mention her ass is wet…
You get my point? Ok – so it wasn’t the most brilliant analogy ever — but it states my case fairly well. Your “petty fibs” are the rusty nails and cracked wood in the foundation of this relationship, and because of them, she doesn’t know if she can trust this relationship, or you, to support her. It’s only natural that she should ask for some time and space to see if you two can build a healthier, stronger foundation before she finally gives in and plops down on that loveseat. The only thing you can do is to prove by your words and your actions that you won’t continue to be the splinter in the ass of this relationship — Don’t lie anymore. Prove your value as a partner, and keep on building your half of the loveseat.