Slings, Arrows & Booty Calls

Q: My heart was broken, and I can’t get over it. I keep hookin up wit lots of chicky’s but they are hardly the thing to fill my void, what will help?

Diva Says: Time. And being good to yourself. Now for some folks, random hook-ups are just the tonic to provide some temporary stress-relief in between more connective relationships — a good way to fill a glass without draining the keg, if ya know whaddimean. BUT, since you’re writing into my column, and using words like VOID – I’ll assume that this isn’t exactly the most productive use of patented hook-up technology. ;)
So, in your case, my dear — Hooking up with lots of other girls has become filler. Fluff. It does nothing but distract you from the task at hand, which is healing. The longer you focus outwardly on emotional band-aids and sexual distractions, the longer it will take you to work through this grieving process and come to terms with what you’ve lost, why you lost it and how to make sure it doesn’t happen again (if that part is in your control, which – as we all know – it seldom truly is.)
People can sometimes rush too quickly from one thing to the next – never stopping to breathe, shake themselves out and take inventory after one of life’s inevitably cruel lessons. One example of a rule I’ve given myself to avoid compulsive behavior is to never drink when I feel like I *need* to. Never to use drink, or anything else for that matter, as a tool for escapeism. Doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy drinking. But that’s the key. I do it to experience pleasure, not to escape pain.
For you, these random hookups are your form of escapeism. They are blind graspings meant to pull you out of your mind for brief periods, but ultimately, you seem to be getting sucked back in because you’ve not yet dealt with the more pressing issues.
It’s a process, sweet. And it’s not always a fun one, but the reward will come when, after having learned the lessons you were meant to learn from your last dating experience, you take that new wisdom into the next and make that relationship all that much the better for it.
Stop. Relax. Breathe. Feel. Steel yourself and let some time pass before you jump into that pool of emotion again. It’s the only way it will stop hurting. Good luck.
Diva

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One Response to Slings, Arrows & Booty Calls

  1. T says:

    Well.. here we go: breaking up and broken hearts as a result… It took me 2 years to get over my Great Love and still there is no unique advice i can give. It hurts..still. But the thing i want to tell is that u will feel better someday. Just remember that ur broken heart is not a reason for breaking other girls’ hearts. Everytime i woke up in someone’s bed (whose names i hardly remembered) made me feel dirty and more empty that i felt the night before. But i have met a person with whom i really enjoed to wake up in the mornings and with whom i was able to share my pain. Still she has nothing in common who has broken my heart and still i have to asmit that there will be nothing like it in my life anymore. But life brings us many mornings and many chances to be happy. Just slow down look around and try to notice people around u who r able to understand and who will be there for u.
    Hmmm… pretty much that’s it.
    Hope u havent got bored. :)