Q: I’ve been seeing this girl for a few weeks. I met her on a personals page. Ever since we met things have been going great and everytime I see her she makes me so happy, but b/c of her last g/f she says shes not ready to jump into anything. We have been very physical with each other, and I find myself doing more and more things for her. It’s not that she’s not appreciative, but I sort of feel that if she can sleep with me, let me do things for her, and even cry on my shoulder why can’t she take a risk and try things seriously with me? I’m not seeing anyone else, and I know she’s not either, recently she told me to step back a little and stop doing things for her because it makes her feel uncomfortable…I am going to try and do that but I’m falling hard for her and don’t know whether I should just give up or hang around hoping she’ll work through her stuff and want to be with me. Please help.
Diva Says: Tough call. Symbiotics in relationships are much harder than people believe. Finding a partner who can meet you on your level as far as emotional needs are concerned can be a truly monumental task. It sounds to me like some pieces are there for a great relationship, but your timing is off. Obviously there is physical attraction and a chemistry, but it sounds to me like she’s wounded from her last relationship and wanting some time to heal.
Frankly, I think that’s refreshing. So many people jump from relationship to relationship, never taking any time to stop and figure out what went wrong. If she is asking for time to heal, to consider the past, to fix what she can fix so she doesn’t carry the baggage over into her next relationship, I think you should not only respect that, but be glad for it, because it means that she wants her next relationship to be healthier — and if that relationship is with you, it will absolutely benefit you in the long-term.
It’s hard to be patient when you see something you want, especially when that something is giving you some mixed signals, and/or signals you can read more into than is actually there. My advice to you is to back off as she’s requested, take into consideration that she is attempting to heal so she can fully invest herself in the next relationship, and build the friendship portion of your relationship so that when she’s ready, you two can decide together if you want to take it to the next level. In the meantime, date… don’t stop your life because hers is stopped. If she is the right girl for you, time will reveal.