Q: I am a 29 year old mother of three. I was recently divorced, and have a boyfriend now. But in my heart and desires i want to be with a woman. As stupid as this sounds, i have no idea where to start. I know that i have felt this way for years, its just that I think i am afraid of even trying. But as i said, in my heart, that is what I want to do, can you help?
Diva Says: Let me tell you a story, darling… Imagine yourself a 40 year old woman with conservative republican parents, a recently dissolved 16 year marriage, a heavy involvement in organized religion and a guilt capacity the size of Cleveland. Now, imagine that your daughter has recently come out of the closet as a lesbian and you’ve given her absolute hell for it, telling her to remain celibate for the sake of her soul, praying for her at every turn for a “normal” life and bashing her for her life decisions…
Now, imagine that after all of that… you still can’t let go of the feeling that, right or wrong, you belong with a woman.
This was my mother.
I tell you one thing, darling, after the hell I gave her for giving *me* hell when I came out, I can honestly say — if SHE can do it — you can, too. Times have changed, m’dear… and being gay isn’t as hard as it used to be… Not that I mean to downplay your struggle, because I know that the inner conflict can be as much of a roadblock as the conflict with those around you. But it really isn’t as bad as you think. Honestly.
Good ways to start are finding out about your local gay and lesbian community is to find the woman-owned bookstores, coffeeshops and small businesses. There are also a great many resources online! Try a Just Friends personal to meet lesbians in your area… That’s how I started and the first lesbian I ever met is still a dear, platonic, friend of mine. My advice, start slow, make friends and don’t jump into any sort of physical relationship with anyone right away. Feel it out, find out where you belong and make the transition as graceful as possible for you and your children. Remember that, no matter what, they are your first priority and if they suffer because of your romantic pursuits, it’s wrong.. No matter what gender you’re pursuing.
Best of luck!