Q: I’m gonna try and make this as short as possible. I’m supposed to be getting married in 3 weeks. Problem is that I find myself more attracted to women than my husband to be or any man for that matter. I have never been in a same sex relationship nor would I know where to begin. If it’s just a curiosity thing, I don’t want to risk losing my fiance (whom I really do love), but what if it’s not?
Diva Says: Honey, far be it from me to tell anyone to stay with a man …but, let’s be reasonable.
So, you say you love this fellow. You’ve obviously accepted a marriage proposal and now you’re experiencing either an extreme case of cold feet, or a forced realization of your sexuality due to the pressures of impending “doom”. There’s two ways you can handle this.
1) Realize that love is precious and, no matter what package it comes in, grab it up and make the most of it. Attraction comes and goes. Love is forever. (hopefully)
2) Realize that if, in your heart, you’re unsatisfied with him even now before you’ve officially begun, that there’s something lacking in your love life that may prove to destroy you further down the line when you’ve invested far more time, energy, finance and emotion into the picture.
Sexuality is irrelevant in questions of this nature. If you feel that you could have more of your needs met by another partner, their gender really isn’t important in the big picture. If you’re unsatisfied… get out now. But, if a feeling of wanting to try something new is the pervasive one, weigh the risks of that experimentation on the outcome of the rest of your life. Is knowing what anyone else is like in bed worth losing your marriage? Or is it deeper?
Here’s a test. Think about your life 10 years from now. You wake up on a sunny summer sunday, roll over and see the face of your fiancee buried in the pillow next to you. Does that cause a sinking feeling in your stomach? That’s probably a good sign that you should bail. If it’s a warm-fuzzy, you’re probably on the right track.