Q: I have been with this girl for 2 months now, my first ever girlfriend and I am totally in love with her. Everything is perfect, she seems to be the love of my life but I still am having a hard time when it comes to sex. I love her a lot but still find it hard to give proper oral pleasure to her. what is wrong with me? Help me please!!!
Diva Says: First of all, go easy on yourself, sugarplumb. 2 months is just the tiniest bud before the bloom.
1) She’s your first girlfriend, and you’ve never done this stuff before – so who says you have to be an expert?
2) Learning curve, baby! You’re still learning her body. You’re probably still learning yours. Sure, some folks are pussy virtuosos, but most folks have to practice a little.
LISTEN – with your whole self. Pay attention to her breathing. Pay attention to whether she’s pushing towards you or pulling away from you. Ask her questions. It’s OK to talk during sex. As you continue to learn her body, you won’t need to ask directions as much, but until you know what she likes, how are you expected to give it to her? All bodies are different. Communicate.
COMPASSION – It might not just be you. Oral sex is a pretty darn intimate thing. It might simply be that she’s too uncomfortable with the idea that there’s a head between her legs to actually relax and enjoy it. Talk to her. Ask her if she’s nervous. Don’t be so goal-driven that you forget that she’s a whole being and not just an orgasm waiting to happen. Her heart and head might need to be involved in the equation, too. Ask her what kind of environment feels best to her — does she need a slow build-up? Does she need it rough and tumble? It might be as much emotional setting/environment as it is anything else.
I’d suggest working on your intimacy outside the bedroom. Talk more, cuddle more, kiss more… and when you get to the act itself, treat it like an adventure. Remember: Don’t be so goal-oriented. Getting there is half the fun!