Q: I am 20 years old and I have a huge problem. I realized i have feelings for a certain women. I am trying very hard to avoid her and i am scared that she knows how i feel. The thing is that i don’t know how she feels about me. I know she cares about me but could she possibly be feeling the same way. Help me! I am confused and tired of these feelings i have for her (it is killing me). What should I do?
Diva Says: Oh girl, I don’t pity you. I’ve been there myself. Let me dig back to my ‘rejection junkie’ days and see if I can come up with a few tidbits of wisdom for you.
She’s obviously straight or the dilemma of avoidance and “could she feel the same way?” wouldn’t be such an issue. So there’s your first hardship – How do you find out if she’d even entertain the idea if she doesn’t know you’re attracted to her and if you don’t know if she’s attracted to women?
This is where friendship comes in… If you have a decent relationship with her, there should be a level of honesty you can reach where nosing a few questions around in the general sexuality arena won’t be too obvious. However, I get the feeling that you know this woman on a more surface level. Why do I get that feeling, you ask? Because what you have is a hard case of infatuation… and infatuation is less prevalent when you actually know the person well. Infatuation is a bitch, to put it plainly. It feels like love, but it’s much more obsessive.
I’d suggest, darling, that you put your best foot forward and find out what this woman feels about you. Ask her out for coffee. You may even figure out that you don’t like her as much as you thought you did when you actually get a chance to get past her wispy illusion of mystery. But whatever you do, break out of this cycle of emotions. You’re wasting your energy feeling something for someone who doesn’t even know you feel it. Give her a chance to return it, and if she doesn’t take it… at least you’ll finally know where you stand.