Q: I am a 16 year old girl. I have never had a girlfriend. I always get these really bad crushes on straight girls. There is this one girl that i really want to get to know, but i have no idea how to become friends with her. Basically my question is How do i meet girls who are gay, and is it normal to always have crushes on straight girls, and How do you become friends with someone. Sorry so many questions, but i really need help!!
Diva Says: Oy. To be young, confused and surrounded by women who refuse to give you any hint whatsoever as to their sexual orientation… I don’t envy you a bit, darling.
Let me answer your middle question first – Yes, it is quite normal to always have crushes on straight girls when that is all that you happen to be surrounded by. I mean, really… What other options do you have? You’re young. You’re hormonal. Your libido certainly isn’t going to take the time to ask that hottie next to you to fill out a sexuality questionnaire before it swings into full-tilt crush. Who has that kind of control? So don’t beat yourself up about it.
BUT – there comes a time when that cycle can get self-destructive… and that’s where the term “Rejection Junkie” comes in. You seem to be at that stage. The cure for this is in the answer to your first question;
Where do you meet gay girls your age?
I, of course, don’t know where you live, but I do know that the majority of major cities have some sort of queer youth center or, at the very least, resources that can send you in the right direction. Wander downtown to some hip coffee houses and look for any underground gay and lesbian publications… or do a search online for queer youth in your area. They’re there… you just have to do a bit of sleuthing to find them. The hardest part is working up the courage to make contact.
Now, your last question is a hard one – How do you make friends with someone…? Well, for starters – introduce yourself. Find some common interests. Ask her about the book she’s reading. Ask her if she got the notes for your last class. But be careful – If she’s straight, you could be headed right back into another cycle of rejection. I’d suggest that you cut your losses now and start looking for people you can at least identify as queer.
Good luck, dear!