Q: I am totally out and identify Lesbian. I feel secure with who I am and what I want. I’m an activist in my community, and I have lots of friends. My dilemma is or rather problem is I haven’t dated many women….um…correction I haven’t slept with women. And to be clear I have not slept with men and do not wish to sleep with men. Ok what’s my point right. I fear that because I am out in my community (you know how they all talk), that when I finally find the right woman she might be confused and/or upset that I am not experienced. No I haven’t been telling people otherwise (that I’m experienced that is). I’m no spring chicken….I’ve been out for five years. It may seem silly but I haven’t tried to date a woman for sometime because I fear that I will totally disappoint her intimately. I guess I’m seeking some advice from you anonymously. I feel that if I had been out there in the first place I would not be so lonely now. I’ve been honestly looking for that special woman who is comfortable with who she is and yet also inexperienced but the problem is she tends to be extremely younger or older or worst a psycho. Thank you for your time.
Diva Says: Sweet, sweet “Anonymous”… Never you fret. When the right woman comes along, your inexperience won’t be a hinderance to her. That is, not unless you force it to be.
You need to stop narrowing your options so much. Don’t demand that your partner have as little experience as you do. Hell, you may reap “multiple” benefits from someone who’s had a bit more time in the sack than you have… but that’s beside the point.
Don’t be ashamed of taking it slowly. We all have to start somewhere! And don’t worry about disappointing her. She’ll show you the way, and you will do the same for her. Any new relationship has a learning curve, in and out of bed. Yours will be no exception.
Good luck, dear!