Q: I’ve been with my girlfriend for about a year now. I’m from NJ and she’s from Montreal. I moved all the way to Canada to live with her. I love her very much but I haven’t had much “playtime” if you know what I mean. I’m only 19 and damnit I like looking at other women but I don’t want to lose her! What should I do?
Diva Says: The dykes are always cuter on the other side of the falafel bar, eh? Well, it sounds like you have a choice to make between a long-term good thing and a short-term sex fling.
There are good things to be said about both… it just depends on your priorities.
I’m personally of the opinion that sowing your oats is pretty much a sure way to increase emotional baggage and learn things the hard way, but it’s also a valid form of learning experience. And to be honest, this Diva wishes she’d played the field a bit more before setting up camp in the bleachers.
There’s also the opposite side of the fence where polyamory and non-monogamy are valid, positive choices for those individuals who are able to handle the unique complications that those types of relationships can bring – and this can provide the benefits of both long-term intensity and short-term thrill.
The majority of people aren’t either emotionally capable of “sharing” a partner, or are just not interested in that sort of relationship. But if you think your partner may be open to seeing other people without building up resentment and/or jealousy, discuss the option with her (carefully) and see how it goes. That, of course, may cause some problems if she’s not interested. Even bringing up the idea could seriously injure her trust in you if she’s not the type of person who can handle that. Think long and hard before you do that, especially since it means you’ll have to share her, too. Turnabout’s fair play.
Conversely, if you’re not truly committed to her in your heart and mind, and if she is the sort of person who wants only you, and wants you to want only her… You may be doing her an injustice by both denying your restlessness and ‘acting’ satisfied, and by staying where you’re not sure you truly want to be. You say you love her, but if your mind is wandering, there’s something in the relationship that you’re not getting… something that’s leaving you wanting more. A good place to start might be considering what that is that you’re missing, and seeing if you and she can find it within the confines of your current relationship. “Playtime” doesn’t always have to mean other people. It can also mean new things between you and your current lover.
In short, darling… prioritize. What’s important to you? Long term or short term? And will you be able to remain satisfied with your current partner if you don’t get out there and play a little, or is the love you have now worth missing out on a few stories to tell later?