Q: I’ve loved my friend for such a long time now, but she’s never told me that she loves me, even though she’s made it very clear without saying the actual words. She just found out recently, and she didn’t seem to care much; nothing has changed, and she didn’t respond with a satisfactory (or unsatisfactory, for that matter) answer. She’s not very big on communication, but I still love her dearly… there’s another friend of mine who just came out that she was bi, and seems very interested. I’ve liked her, sure, but what about my current love-of-my-life, who just doesn’t respond in the way that I would like her to?
Diva Says: Oy vey. The age-old drama of queer girls in love with their best friends. Darlin’, don’t I remember those days! I don’t envy your situation. The big difference these days is that it’s (slightly) easier and more acceptable for youth to come out publicly, so those days of forlorn longing in the deep dark recesses of your secret sanctum are fairly close to over.
So, you say that she “knows”. Since I’m not sure if that means that she knows you’re bi/les, or if she knows you have feelings for her. I’ll choose the latter. If she knows you have feelings for her, yet hasn’t responded in either a negative or positive fashion, she’s probably either in denial or processing the information. I recommend approaching her in a non-confrontational fashion and telling her that you’d like to hear her thoughts on the subject when she has them formulated. If she truly refuses to give you any sort of response about it, I’d let it go… as hard as it may be.
Some people just can’t deal with conflict resolution, and would rather ignore it until it goes away than face it, deal with it and move on. That’s a frustrating tactic for those of us who like to get things resolved immediately, and it’s hard not to push, especially when it’s about something this personal. But I’ve, personally, learned the hard way that pushing for resolution just ends up frustrating the hell out of the person and creating exactly the type of conflict that is that persons worst nightmare. It’s just not effective. Aside from which, those of us who need that resolution don’t thrive well in communication-less relationships, so it probably isn’t a good idea to get involved unless that person is willing to try to meet you half way.
About the new girl… I’m of the opinion that if you’re pining away for someone, it really isn’t the smartest move to go about getting involved with someone else. It’s not fair to the new person because they don’t have your full attention. It’s an easy way to hurt the hell out of a partner. I would say, bring this thing with your best friend to an acceptable level of closure in and outside of yourself before you attempt to get involved with the new girl.
Good luck, dear!