Q: I am a 27-year old single mom and college student. I have told my mom and my best friend that I believe I am a lesbian, but they both sort of played it down. The problem is, I haven’t ever had a real relationship with a woman. I have not met one unattached lesbian since I decided that’s what I wanted. I don’t know where to go or who to talk to, and I’m becoming depressed and discouraged. How am I ever going to move forward?
Diva Says: Wow – it sounds as if you haven’t a great deal of support around you, which can be hard enough. But then, pile on your own expectations and immediate desires, and there you have a fairly painful and consumately downward spiral. The first thing I suggest doing is stop demanding of yourself that you meet someone immediately. We all want to be loved. We all want that perfect someone to come into our lives – gay or straight – it’s human nature.
BUT – it’s also better to be happy and at peace with yourself before you go seeking out the next person to share you with. If you’re at a stage in your life when being alone is painful, you’re not treating yourself well enough, and that’s where it has to begin. There’s nothing more attractive than a self-fulfilled woman.
The first step in that process may actually be finding some friends who share your sexuality. Try popping into a few women or lesbian-owned bookstores. Check out their bulletin boards for book groups, support groups, social groups. Hell – start your own group for lesbian single mothers!
Chances are, if you’re feeling isolated and unable to find anyone who is like you, there are a million more women out there in the community, just like you – wondering how to find the rest. Volunteer with a local lesbian non-profit organization. Do something that will both fulfill you as an individual and bring you in closer contact with the community around you. The best way to meet people that you’ll be compatible with is by meeting them where you’re doing something you love!
Good luck to you!