Q: I have had a crush on my best friend (let’s call her A)for 4 yrs. But I never thought there was any chance of anything happening really as she was definitelt 100% straight. A few months back she introduced me to a lesbian friend of hers in the hope of setting us up (we’ll call her B)- it didn’t happen. I am used to counselling A through her various boyfriend problems and having just broken up with the last one she came to me for advice. But SHOCK HORROR – A revealed that she ‘thinks she might be gay’ AND has feelings for B! I want to support my friend (A) because she has always been there for me but I am very jealous and finding this hard to deal with. What do I do? Tell A how I feel, keep it to myself and see what happens with B?! Please help me…
Diva Says: Ohhh… lordy. Right in the kisser, huh?
First, it must have been awful having someone you care about set you up to go out with someone else, and then, dealing with watching her come to the realization that you’d been hoping she’d come to all along, but… not with you. I can imagine that you’re pretty upset (to say the least) about this turn of events.
You sound like a “Do the Right Thing” kind of person. That’s both fortunate and unfortunate. Fortunate because, karmically speaking, you’ve got some good things coming. Unfortunate because, present-tense, you’ve got some hard decisions to make. The selfless thing to do would be to remain in your supportive role while she comes to terms with her feelings. But, sometimes being a martyr isn’t the healthiest role for a person, and you’ll need to look within yourself to determine the balance of being a good friend to her and being a bad friend to yourself. That’s not something I can dictate. It will depend greatly upon the level of intensity that your feelings for her have taken on.
Remember, though, that only the variables have changed. She’s always been with someone else. This time, it may happen to be a woman. But it’s still the same thing that you’ve been going through for ages. Try to keep some perspective. If you have to, take a breather and walk away from her for a while. You may have to explain your reasons. It may be a good chance for you to clear the air, all the while doing something healthy for yourself. But whatever you do, don’t stay embroiled in the perpetual cycle of self-abuse that is this constant state of wanting what you can’t have. You need to find out for sure if you can have it or not and then either move forward or move on, respectively. Everything else is just prolonging the inevitable.