Q: my girlfriend and i have been together for about 15 mths now. we had lived together for over a yr. i love her so much but im not in love with her. her parents doesnt like me at all, she makes me change my ways and looks for her parents. i dont want to loose her because she is like a bestfriend to me, she says if we break up we wont be friends. i dont know what to do.
Diva Says: The most important part of this email is the statement that you’re not in love with her. It’s obvious to me, babycakes, that you are basically just staying in the romantic portion of this relationship just to avoid the loss of the friendship. Somewhere in there, you know that this isn’t fair to either of you. Your girlfriend deserves someone who loves her whole-heartedly and without reservation, and you deserve someone that you can truly be in love with. To love and to be IN love are two dramatically different feelings. For the sake of your girlfriend and yourself, I highly suggest that you dissolve this relationship so you can both proceed with finding a more fulfilling romantic relationship.
If the friendship you two have is strong enough, it will survive the breakup. You may need to give it a few months of time and space for her to heal and move on, and I do suggest that you give it that breathing room. She may not claim to want it, and may actually fight it, but it’s best when dissolving the romantic portion of a relationship to break those old habits and daily rituals that make it hard to let go. Since she will be the one in the relationship fighting hardest not to let it go it’s probably up to you to be strong and keep the distance. You can assure her that you care for her and that you want to continue the friendship, and tell her that you’re just giving you both this space so you can both heal from it — there’s no need to lie about the reasons for it — but try not to be inconsistent about it. That just makes it harder. Don’t just stay because it’s comfortable. You’re just prolonging the inevitable.