Q: My ex and I broke up nearly 2 years ago. She broke up with me saying I deserved better that I would thank her for it one day. The thing is she will call me for advice about her new loves what to do, how to handle certain situations and in general calls for advice on any topic. Why does she do this? She knows she truly broke my heart when she left and sometimes I still break down and cry when she calls for her phone counseling. I’m still in love with her and she knows! What should I do? Is she getting an ego boost by me crying? Its like it doesn’t bother her to know how I’m still hurting she just continues to ask for my advice. HELP do you have any advice for me? It’s tearing me apart to listen to her women stories!
Diva Says: Oy. Holy insensitivity, Batman. Talk about having your cake and eating it too. Listen, sugar; This girl isn’t calling you for advice, she’s calling you to rub it in that she’s got a few names on her dance card. It seems to me that, for whatever reason, it’s important to her that you know that she’s wanted by others. Maybe she’s insecure? Maybe she’s just an ass? The wonders of the self-absorbed are endless… But here’s the thing:
You’re asking ME why she’s calling you, and you should be asking HER.
She either doesn’t know it bothers you, or doesn’t care. The only way you can figure that out is to TALK TO HER. If she calls you, asks for advice and gets it — all with little or no grumbling from you, how is she to know that it bothers you? On the other hand, if – as you say – she calls you and you cry, and still she continues to call, then (and pardon my bluntness here) what in the HELL are you doing talking to her? You may as well lay down on your front porch and tattoo “WELCOME” across your forehead for all the respect you are giving yourself in this situation.
Give yourself permission to get angry, at least angry enough to stand up for yourself and your needs. Give yourself what you need to mend your heart, which is time, space and a new, unlisted phone number.